Homecoming Proposal? Follow Your Zodiac Sign

Posted on 09/26/2018
Alexis Stakem

Staff Writer

Homecoming is right around the bend, which means the entire school is excited and anxious and restless--but most important of all is that the school will be getting premium entertainment.

How so? By watching people crash and burn when they attempt to ask their crush to Homecoming. It’s
a time that makes people wonder what happened to dance cards. However, this article is the next
best thing, because honestly can anything in this world replace dance cards? Here is a treasure
trove of ideas on how to ask your crush to Homecoming. 

Aries- Doughnuts

Food is the way into any person’s heart, so there is 98% chance this will work. Before all the guys reading this article ask, yes, food is the way to a girl’s heart too. It’s 2018 now, we shouldn’t be dealing with this type of lunacy anymore. To accomplish this, buy a dozen
doughnuts, then, using frosting, spell out “Homecoming?” on top of the doughnuts. Afterwards, give the donuts to the askee at an opportune time, per say during homeroom and certainly not during your biochemistry lab.

Leo- Fortune Cookie

More food! For this proposal, baking skills are going to have to make an appearance, as well as the your ability to write small. This may seem daunting, but it will all be worth it when your askee happily accepts--then immediately eats all your hard work. Also, as the asker, there are so many pun options for you to use, such as this gem, “I would be FORTUNEate to go to Homecoming with you.”

Gemini- Coffee

It may seem as if this entire list is just food, and that’s simply because it is. For this idea, ask your askee on a inconspicuous coffee date or study session. There are two locations this ask can take place, either a local coffee shop or the home of the asker. If the local coffee is chosen as the location, then the asker will either have to ask the barista to write “Homecoming?”* on their cup or offer to grab it themselves and write “Homecoming?” If the asker’s house is chosen as the location the asker will need to get ahold of a food safe marker and write “Homecoming?” on the inside of the cup and fill it with coffee. *BEWARE! This is a major risk, especially if you are dealing with a moody barista going into
through a “phase.”

Cancer- YouTube

Talking to people in real life is like trying to solve that calculus problem Mrs. Torus assigned for
homework. So, instead of making *shudders* eye contact with people, the asker should create a
video of themselves asking their crush to Homecoming then upload it to YouTube.

Taurus- Parking Ticket

PSA- This will require the askee to have a car. There is also some danger that comes along with this proposal. Teenagers hate nothing more than having to pay hundreds of dollars for parking in the wrong spot. So, while the askee will be excited that someone went through all this trouble for them, they will also be angry that someone scared the bejeezus out of them*. *Beware of flailing arms and punches.

Virgo- TV Show Related Proposal

The author of this article isn’t saying The Office is the best option, but let’s face it. It is.

Libra- Balloons

Balloons scream fun, which will speak to the asker’s capability of making Homecoming unforgettable*.
*Please note: This is both good and bad. On the one hand, the night was so unforgettable because the asker was fire on the dance floor. On the other hand, it was so unforgettable because the asker’s pants caught on fire while on the dance floor.

Scorpio- Candles

For this proposal, candles will be used to spell “Homecoming?” This is definitely well thought out and it definitely won’t send the asker to jail.

Sagittarius- Lawn Serenade

Lawn serenades are embarrassing, there’s no denying that, but sometimes in the game of love people have to embarrass themselves in order to win. Now, there’s no rule that says people must carry a boombox while serenading, but let's just say someone will be disappointed.

Capricorn- Post-It Notes

This is the optimal proposal because of the fact that it makes people fear and respect the asker. The askee will probably love the sticky notes that spell out “Homecoming?”, but they’ll come to loathe them once they are stuck with the task of un- sticky noting their room, car, or locker.

Aquarius- Scavenger Hunt

Scavenger hunts are tricky; on one hand the clues may go right over the askee’s head, thus causing a catastrophe involving the marching band, the Spanish 3 teacher, and a confetti gun. On the other other hand, the askee may just flat out reject the asker, which means the same
catastrophe but this time add in a broken heart.

Pisces- Puppy

No one in the history of the world could ever turn down a little puppy with big gorgeous eyes and their cute little ears. The askee’s pants will be charmed straight off and they’ll have no choice but to say yes. 
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