Black Girl in a White World

Black Girl in a White World
Posted on 11/22/2020
Black Girl in a White WorldBlack Girl In White World
Nadia Liban
Staff Writer
[email protected]

I feel like something the majority race will never understand is how your surroundings affect your confidence. Growing up I moved a lot but usually I lived in predominantly white areas, and it affected me and how I looked at myself.

My first experience with self hate was in Pre-K when people bullied me for how I wore my curly hair and how my skin was darker. I didn't understand why I had to be born different, I just wanted to be accepted.

A reason why it's hard to accept myself is because of lack of representation. I’ve never had a black teacher and the TV shows I watched stereotyped all black girls as emotionless, sassy women. And mostly I’ve never seen a black woman in high power until Kamala Harris.

I also did not like being stereotyped. I never grew up in a predominantly black neighborhood so I never caught up with AAVE (African American Vernacular English). So when people would walk up to me and change their accents because they expect to think I would speak the same way, I would be pretty mad because that’s not who I am.

Because I wasn’t the stereotypical version of a black girl I was seen as “trying to be white” and I wasn’t black enough. I let people who aren’t black tell me that I wasn’t black enough because I didn’t feed into their perception of us. It was annoying to be constantly invalidated.

Years went on in my life where I was unhappy with myself. I stopped wearing my natural hair and only kept it in braids until I was old enough to straighten it like all the other white girls around me. I hated when I got tanner, I hated when people would make fun of my natural hair, and most of all I hated being different.

I felt like my personality was the same as all my classmates but the thing that made me stick out was the color of my skin. I never liked when people saw my skin before they saw me and who I was.

Last summer was my two year anniversary of wearing my natural hair again because I was tired of being scared of what people thought of it. I thought they might make fun of it or mock it but all I got was love from my friends.

When it comes to acceptance of the color of my skin, I still am working on it. Sometimes I do wish I could be white so I can be accepted and not seen as my race but my color comes with history and culture that I wouldn’t trade for anything.

I have a podcast episode coming out where I go in deeper detail about this topic with another black staff writer coming out soon so look out for it or email me for more.
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